A little over a year ago I experienced something that was the scariest thing I ever had to face. It was my mental health. Back then I didn’t realize how important mental health was. For so long I just ignored it because I felt like it didn’t really matter and it would just go away. The little that I knew.
It took until last year to take my mental health seriously. I learned the hard way that it can affect my physical health. I would deal with a lot of stomach pains. It would be so painful that I was to scared to eat anything. I would even have sleepless nights. There were even times when I would cry at night.
With all of that happening, I dealt with several other things that would cause me to be stressed out, worried, and anxious. I would be worried so much about my classes. I would worry about my assignments if I did them right and if I turned them in on time. My exams gave me the most anxiety. It would be so difficult for me to study for my exams because I was so afraid that I was gonna fail. I’ll never forget how one time I was studying for one of hardest classes (Economics) in the library and I couldn’t even get pass the first 2 questions. I almost broke down and started crying. I gathered my things and just left. I called my mom crying telling her that I can't do this. I told her everything that happened when I was trying to study. She stayed on the phone with me and kept encouraging me that I can do this and to not be afraid.
From Fall 2016 to Fall 2019 I’ve always taken 5 classes a semester. But this time between now and December 2020 I’m just taking 4 a semester because I’m graduating this year. So I don’t have to worry or stress out as much.
Spring semester 2019 was the worst semester I dealt with. I had so much happening to me that affected my school work and myself personally. I spent so much time crying wondering why did I have to deal with this. The last two weeks of that semester was horrible for me. I was struggling back then and felt alone. I honestly felt like I wasn’t going to be able to make it and that I had failed.
When school got out for the summer, it really didn’t do no good at all. I was bored, not having anything to do, or anything. I felt so unhappy and miserable. I felt that there was going to be no way out of my misery.
Mid June 2019 was when I decided that I was going to make a change for me. So I began to look up different apps and methods to help me. I found losing weight to help me. So I downloaded a weight loss app called “Lose It!”. At the beginning of 2019 I was that person who had the New Year’s resolution to lose weight and as always never get around to it. But I was able to get around to it. The rest of the summer I began dedicated to losing weight. After several weeks, the weight began to shed off. I began to feel happy again.
I applied for a on campus job to work in Athletic Marketing. I didn’t get it, but they kept my resume. Was I upset? A little bit. Within a couple of weeks later, I got an email from the volleyball coach to come in for an interview for a student manger position. I went in for the interview, it goes extremely well, and I got the job on the spot and started that next week. I felt even more accomplished.
Before semester Fall 2019 began, I made a promise to myself. I made a promise to do better. I remembered how horrible the last semester was and how it broke me. As the semester went on, I began to improve in my classes, I kept losing weight, I didn’t let certain things get to me, and I made sure I didn’t overload myself. During that semester I noticed how I wasn’t as stressed out or worried about everything as much. I was happy. It was hard for me to believe it. You would think that I would be even more stressed out by having a part-time job on campus, going to class, having homework every week, studying at least for 2 hours a day for exams, being in 3 different student organizations, and managing a blog/brand name would drive me insane. It didn't.
Honestly, my road to recovery hasn’t been easy. I had to come to a lot of realization about certain things in my life that I have no control and understand things won’t always go my way. I’m still learning along the way and keeping my head up for what lies ahead of me.
To learn more about what happened to me check out my post from last year: https://missjasminesmith20.wixsite.com/southernlifeofjas/post/dealing-with-mental-health
Also check out this blog post that talks more in-depth of mental health on college students: https://ivypanda.com/blog/study-stress/