2019 I had a lot of experiences. Some were good and some were bad. There were days when I laughed and days when I cried. Some were good memories and some were bad memories. This year was an emotional and mental roller coaster for me. For starters, I lost my aunt January 5th. Then not long after that, I had a breakthrough that affected my mental health. During that time I had thought about going to counseling on campus to get help, but I kept thinking that I shouldn’t because I thought it would pass. About two months later, I had another breakthrough with my mental health that affected my physical health. It really opened my eyes to understanding that mental health is important.
Ever since I’ve been in college, I dealt with stress and anxiety. I would ignore because I had bigger problems than that like classes and my tuition. I remembered how much I cried because of what I have to deal with. I couldn’t understand why someone like me had to deal with this. It became the scariest thing I ever faced. I was so afraid to even tell anyone about how I feel because I felt embarrassed. I thought that I would keep my mouth shut of what I was dealing would help. I felt for months that what I was going through didn’t matter and that I had to tough up. It wasn’t easy. I would “smile” pretending to be okay when deep down I’m just broken. There were days where I wanted to just give up because I couldn’t take faking through everything and hiding how I feel. I spent too much time being afraid and I almost had no way to turn that I felt was right. In March 2019, I did start going to counseling to get help. I knew that it was the right thing to do. It really helped me a lot because I had someone to talk to who could understand me with my situations.
Once school got out for the summer I got post-semester stress. I didn’t feel like I performed my best that semester because of what I went through. I began to have doubts about if I was gonna graduate and be successful. During Summer 2019, I had another breakthrough but this time it was a great breakthrough. I began to change my health. I started dieting and working out. I began to see the results change. I realized how much happier I was becoming.
Once the school year started I made myself a promise to do better academically. I was able to fulfill that promise. I started Fall Semester 2019 with a full mindset that I’m doing to improve my grades. I didn’t let what happened to me the previous semester get to me. I made sure I did all my assignments and turned them in on time. I made sure I studied for my exams the best I could. I had to come up with a new study method to help me. Using flashcards, rewriting notes, or just reading the notes did no good. So I did this. I took my notes and highlighted everything color-coded. Then, I would go back and take the questions and/or definitions and find keywords to match them. I wrote them in blue ink and drew a box around it. I used that method for all of my classes and it increased my grades. I’m proud to say I finished with 2 C’s and 3 B’s!!! I did accomplish a lot this year. There are so many to pick that were my greatest. But there can be one. My greatest accomplishment this year has to be me finally loosing weight. For so long I had been unhappy with myself. I didn’t feel confident at all. Even when I looked at pictures of myself thinking I look great in my head, but in reality I didn’t. I decided to loose weight because I wanted to look great and feel confident. Especially, with the fact I started my 4th year of college and turned 21. I haven’t reached my weight goal yet, but it’s a process and I’m determined.
This was definitely a year of realization. I would keep hearing things about people I knew and I didn’t like to hear about them. I realized that I can’t control everything. No matter how hard I try to. For me to be able to realize everything, life really had to really knock some sense into me and it would hurt.
This year taught me to slow down and not rush. I tend to rush into things that I knew that I wasn’t ready for and I would go for with full intention that I was gonna shine, but it ended in a disappointment. I’m definitely not gonna be the person who says on social media “2020 is gonna be my year” or anything like that. If I did that, I know I’m setting myself up for failure. I’m not gonna be that person. I can’t keep making promises that I know that I’m going to fulfill. I realized that as much as I wish at “11:11” or retweet tweets for “good luck” won‘t help me at all because those are useless with me. But I do have goals and a mindset. My goals are going to be personal to me that is going to help me to be a better person. I can admit, I’m definitely feeling a bit scared about going into 2020. I just have to go into 2020 keeping my head on strong and pray for the new year in general.
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